Childless couples

Started by mgriffin, January 30, 2009, 02:24:14 PM

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Ekstasis

I am 24, and even though many claim to never have children in my age..I really think I never will have...the reasons are many...one is overpopulation, I think that everyone who relinquish to have children does this planet a big favor...I also do not feel any need to have children just because I "must"...I must do nothing...
I also think I would not be a good father either...

mgriffin

Quote from: saulstokes on February 12, 2009, 10:21:55 PM
Ha! I just put my kids to bed and red this post. Ya, the house is constantly messy. For some reason my kids love scotch tape. I find it everywhere. There's a chunk of it on my sock as I write this!

We were married 9 years before we had our first girl. We hadn't planned on having kids but it just kind of felt right at the time. My personal feeling is that your heart has an extra cavity of love that wakes up the day your first child arrives. You don't know you have it until that day and it never goes away. It's an awakening of sorts I guess and you would never miss it unless you had a child. The more children you have the more your heart awakes.

I do believe this is why those who are less fortunate tend to have lots of kids because it's a fascinating beautiful pleasure even if the world is sinking around you.

Saul

It's been interesting in this thread to hear not only from childless couples, but also from people who thought they might not have children, but reconsidered.

I like your description of the experience of parenthood, Saul.  It makes me want to have a kid or two!

[ Mike Griffin, Hypnos Recordings ] email mg (at) hypnos.com | http://hypnos.com | http://twitter.com/mgsoundvisions

lena

Quote from: saulstokes on February 12, 2009, 10:21:55 PM
The more children you have the more your heart awakes.

I do believe this is why those who are less fortunate tend to have lots of kids because it's a fascinating beautiful pleasure even if the world is sinking around you.

Saul


Yeah, and it helps if your children are completely adorable like your little girls are!  :)

P.S. Kids are WILD about scotch tape! It can keep 'em busy for hours... ;D
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

lena

Hi Cromag,

I've done a lot of work with autistic children, and it sounds like you've done an absolutely amazing job of raising your son! You've given him the ability to communicate and express himself verbally, and you've also given him a degree of independence. You must have worked so hard, (you both must have worked so hard). And he's going to go to college? That's wonderful!  :)
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

hdibrell

Hi Cromag,  Great story! It is always inspiring to hear a story like this. I have a 13 year old granddaughter who has autism and I know how much work you both have done to get to this point.       Harry
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

Joe R

Quote from: saulstokes on February 12, 2009, 10:21:55 PM
My personal feeling is that your heart has an extra cavity of love that wakes up the day your first child arrives. You don't know you have it until that day and it never goes away. It's an awakening of sorts I guess and you would never miss it unless you had a child.

Saul


Yes! That's it exactly for me. When we got married, my wife wanted kids badly, but I only sort of wanted them. I mean I liked kids & all, but I was afraid I was too selfish with my time to want to share it. But all my misgivings went straight out the window when I saw my baby daughter for the first time.

And I'm not saying that it's all been peaches & cream, we've certainly had our difficulties, but for the most part it's been a really great ride. Now I can't imagine where we'd be without them!

saulstokes

Thanks Lena! I also think kids are the ULTIMATE test of your dedication to your art (that is if it's not your main source of income as then it's your job!).  I remember meeting so many people who would tell me they use to play music or paint but had to give it up when they had children because there wasn't any time. After kids, you really have to search for the time to keep your art going. It's tough but not impossible and it makes you a better artist as it's a wall you have to climb.

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APK

Joe said: "... all my misgivings went straight out the window when I saw my baby daughter for the first time."

Yep, that's just what its like.    8)
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cromag

Quote from: hdibrell on February 13, 2009, 12:47:00 PM
Hi Cromag,  Great story! It is always inspiring to hear a story like this. I have a 13 year old granddaughter who has autism and I know how much work you both have done to get to this point.       Harry

Sorry this is so late, Harry.  Good luck and best wishes to your granddaughter and her extended family.
Science News, Vol. 175, No. 9, April 25, 2009, page 1 -- "New mapping of the human genome shows none of us are normal."

cromag

#29
I've given this a great deal of thought, Mike and Lena.

It's difficult to convey in words the wonder of parenthood, especially in an impersonal forum post, so I think the best thing would be for you two to try it out for a while, to see what you're missing.

I'll tell you what -- my wife and I would be willing to lend you our kids for a short ... "test drive."  Maybe, say, a weekend?  Of course, one weekend won't really give you a feel for the joys and wonders of parenthood, so maybe ... a couple of weekends ... a month?  Strictly so you can see what you're missing, of course.  We won't charge you a penny!

You could pick them up on a Friday evening, perhaps, and spend the weekend with them, and then drop them both back home on Sunday.  You could enjoy the full experience, unhurried.



Don't worry about my wife and I.  We'll keep busy.  Maybe catch a couple movies, take in a show, go out for dinner.  We'll manage.  ;)

So, whadya say?  ;D
Science News, Vol. 175, No. 9, April 25, 2009, page 1 -- "New mapping of the human genome shows none of us are normal."

Seren

I think that's a great offer and one that if I was not so far away would jump to take. It seems a perfect way to explore the intricacies, wonders and experiences of parenthood - Mike and Lena, don't let this chance go, you need to grab it before cromag's children have had all their weekends taken up by other members of the forum. ;D :o

Wayne Higgins

My wife (and I agreed) made the decision not to have any kids when we got married.  I was happy and satisfied to adopt her son, and hurried down to the urologist to get neutered.  Never regretted it.  I have a few friends that never had kids, and a few that (IMO) waited till they were way too old to start families.  But, to each their own.

The problem we are now facing is taking care of the parents.  My sister did the bulk of the job, living near my mom and dad and helping them out when they got old.  They have since passed on, and now my wife and I are dealing with her parents.  They are divorced, her dad is in St. Pete and going through major health problems now.  Her mom, on the other hand has been living with us for 6 years and helps take care of us!  I consider her to be one of the best roommates I've ever had.  You can't complain about someone who does your laundry, takes care of the animals when you're away, and has hot oatmeal ready for you when you wake up.
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SunDummy

Quote from: Wayne Higgins on March 02, 2009, 09:56:30 AM
...Her mom, on the other hand has been living with us for 6 years and helps take care of us!  I consider her to be one of the best roommates I've ever had.  You can't complain about someone who does your laundry, takes care of the animals when you're away, and has hot oatmeal ready for you when you wake up.

Oh man, just the thought of my mother-in-law (or even my mother) living with us makes me cringe...   ;D
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Mark Mushet

If repro-friendly couples were faced with giving birth to fully-formed adults whose personalities and values they couldn't pre-determine or shape, the population would plummet overnight.

Personally, I am endlessly sickened that in this age of abundance many couples must still choose between non-commercial creative/cultural endeavours and procreation.


lena

#35
Quote
I'll tell you what -- my wife and I would be willing to lend you our kids for a short ... "test drive."  Maybe, say, a weekend?  Of course, one weekend won't really give you a feel for the joys and wonders of parenthood, so maybe ... a couple of weekends ... a month?  Strictly so you can see what you're missing, of course.  We won't charge you a penny!

Ha ha ha! I just saw this! 

Hmm, let me think about it for a... NO WAY, MAN!   ;D

I guess I should really be fair and weigh all my options when it comes to having kids, though.

Let's see, kids OR:

*Being able to set my own schedule, wake up and go to bed when I want and sleep-in as late as I want on the weekends
*Not having to cart someone all around because of their schedule, (school, activities, etc.)
*Being able to just relax with my husband in the evenings, (and watch whatever movies and shows we want while doing so)
*Not having a constant mess and needing to clean-up after someone
*Having tons of peace and quiet
*Having loads of freedom
*Having all the fun time and creative time I want for drawing, painting, writing, music, video games, etc.
*Being able to just take off and go hiking, skiing, snowshoeing, biking, take a romantic trip to the beach, have a date night, take a vacation, etc. at a moment's notice
*Having plenty of money for all of the above, plus any kind of other stuff we might want, (like a hot tub, projector TV, the latest video game system, or whatever.)
*Not ever having to deal with the stress and worry and hassle of having a teenager... ;)

Hmmmm, gee, it's SUCH a close call, but I think I'll have to pass on the kids... ;D






When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

jim brenholts

the strongest - and perhaps only - upside to having kids is having grandchildren later on. i am extremely fortunate because my grandsons are from my stepsons. the situation with the asshole who was their father allows me to be the bestest op op ever. (that is according to rigel, not me.)
all the best and God bless
jim
www.rigelorionis.com

Paul Vnuk (Ma Ja Le)

Ok...well my wife and I are in the opposite boat. We have two and found out today number three will be boy number 3 in august and we wouldn't change it for the world!

We are probably not the norm however and many of our friends with children find us a bit odd, only in that we do not necessarily subscribe to the average family paradigm as my wife is an artist and self employed, I am a musician/artist with 3 jobs and we are always on the go, and the kids just adapt to that.

We still go on trips, I do shows out of state and the kids have never been a road block or issue.

Paul
"I liken good ambient to good poetry ... enjoyable, often powerful, and usually unpopular" APK

lena

#38
CONGRATULATIONS, PAUL!!!  :) :) :)





When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

hdibrell

Lena wrote:
Quote*Not ever having to deal with the stress and worry and hassle of having a teenager...
'nuf said!   ;)    Harry
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.