I'm starting to get pretty heavy realizing everything that has now died with Barry, and I can't seem to hold it all back: ideas he had, plans we made and conversations we never finished... He was not the most enthusiastic guy in the end, but he was still funny, and passionate, and most importantly he was always a pessimist who let his music do the talking about hope and purity. Until now, I've never had such a close friend in music die on me. It's a first, and it feels different--in a bad way.
We had talked about it, and it was hard enough for us both to imagine that there was actually a creator
behind the beauty of our music, and that it happened to actually come from a human being who was right next to us, and whom we knew personally. Now the creator of his music is going to seem that much more unattainable to me. The actual man, and friend, is gone, and he was brilliant.
It didn't matter how pessimistic he got in person, there were music pieces he made that spoke volumes about the sentimental and emotional depth of the human heart, as well as the mystery of all existence. It was all in there. And I feel lucky that mine was revealed to him as well. Too often, that part of our music seems hidden to others, while it screams plain-as-day to ourselves. I shared this with Barry. No longer will I have long, regular listening sessions with one of the only other people I know of who really understood the power and texture of musical emotion when presented from a setting of utter tranquility.
No longer will I be able to work with him, and we had just started collaborating again after a pause of about 15 years.
Barry was also a huge fan of the desert, most notably with a passion for White Sands National Monument. Well, I was really really
looking forward to the day when I wandered back into his front door and showed him a well-edited video of me collaborating on an ambient music track with him
, but while at
White Sands National Monument. I was going to finish a piece of ours while there, and then show it to him, and he was going to see a grin on my face a mile long. A "Smile On The Void" to put it bluntly.
I suddenly feel like that much more of a stranger to this world. Maybe it will go away. That's the only down side of death--leaving those few people behind who are the only ones that remember you and appreciate your essence. Makes them want to die, too. No one wants to carry that burden. Now I wish the whole world shared my understanding and my memories of Barry. I don't want to carry that by myself...
There are probably a few others in my life whom I will experience feeling this towards if/when they pass on before I do, so I suppose I should save some of my tears for them. I don't know.http://www.hypnos.com/aproduce/bio.htmhttp://www.hypnos.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=HOS&Product_Code=hyp3160http://www.google.com/search?q=white+sands&hl=en&client=safari&rls=en&prmd=ivnsm&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=Zr9mTsaCJKqzsALOvbWiCg&ved=0CF4QsAQ&biw=1186&bih=767