Author Topic: My coworker stopped talking to me  (Read 5978 times)

drone on

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My coworker stopped talking to me
« on: September 07, 2013, 02:28:20 AM »
Hey all,

Have you ever experienced a coworker who suddenly stops talking to you or stops being friendly, for no apparent reason?  This woman used to go out of her way to say hello and now ignores me while speaking to everyone else.  She will walk by my workgroup and greet the others yet act like I'm not there.  A couple weeks ago I asked her about it and she said she had been "depressed" lately.  Yet she was still cheerful with everyone else.  Despite assuring me there was nothing wrong, she continues to ignore me.  Any ideas?  I googled this and the usual answers are that she heard some gossip about me, or is jealous for some reason, or was offended by something I did or said.  How would you deal with this situation? 

richardgurtler

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Re: My coworker stopped talking to me
« Reply #1 on: September 07, 2013, 06:46:19 AM »
She just found out you are deep drone aficionado... ;)

chris23

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Re: My coworker stopped talking to me
« Reply #2 on: September 07, 2013, 08:02:21 AM »
How would you deal with this situation?

If she is a coffee fan, get her an inexpensive gift card to a near-by cafe with a note that says something along the lines of "I get the sense that something isn't right between us. I value your friendship, so please let me know if you want to chat. Sincerely, Mr. Drone On." If she's mad at you for something you did (e.g., gossip) or didn't do, probably the best thing you can do is give her some time, but drop the hint without being intrusive that you're on her side.

Bill Binkelman

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Re: My coworker stopped talking to me
« Reply #3 on: September 07, 2013, 11:09:25 AM »
Unless she provides useful services to you as a co-worker, just leave her alone. Seriously...just ignore her. Not in an unfriendly way. Just leave her be. Don't stew about it...she'll either get out of her mood or she won't or she'll confront you with whatever is bothering her. This happens to me and I spend way too much energy trying to figure this shit out and in the end, it hurts my productivity at work. If she is too valuable to your work, then suck it up and just tell her how you feel, direct and to the point, i.e. "why have you changed how you treat me lately?" If she refuses to acknowledge there has been a change, drop it and do your best to work around her bullshit.
May the odds be ever in your favor.

Paul Vnuk (Ma Ja Le)

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Re: My coworker stopped talking to me
« Reply #4 on: September 07, 2013, 08:08:46 PM »
You will waist more energy worrying about it than she will ignoring you.
"I liken good ambient to good poetry ... enjoyable, often powerful, and usually unpopular" APK

Julio Di Benedetto

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Re: My coworker stopped talking to me
« Reply #5 on: September 08, 2013, 05:45:19 AM »
Happened to me.....its really unpleasant!  A co worker of 13 years one day just turn me off in his world.  There seemed to be no reason for it that I was aware of.  I tried to hold a mirror up to him, sort of reflect the energy back that he was sending. Not sure if it worked but it did stop me wasting alot of energy wondering what I may have done and self analysis. In the end the co worker left and the situation was never resolved.  Should I have done more.....maybe.  What I did was to ensure that my job was not compromised by this.  We were not friends outside of work though we had been friendly and enjoyed working together.

drone on

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Re: My coworker stopped talking to me
« Reply #6 on: September 13, 2013, 04:33:25 PM »
Thanks to all for their comments.  Good tips there.   I'll try not to let it get to me.  Luckily she's not in my immediate workgroup so we have limited contact anyway.

Numina

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Re: My coworker stopped talking to me
« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2013, 10:00:47 AM »
Only one co-worker? This happens to me all the time once people found out I'm not into sports (I literally know hardly anything about sports other than it makes people really rich for just being tough), and/or I am an electronic musician who produces esoteric introspective music and/or I'd rather spend time with my wife and dog than go out to Happy Hour and brownnose people. Consider yourself lucky it's only one person. But, yeah, ignore it unless your working relationship is crucial to you getting your work done and advancing in your position.  8)

drone on

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Re: My coworker stopped talking to me
« Reply #8 on: April 09, 2014, 03:42:42 AM »
This has happened again.  This time it's really awkward as this person shares a long workstation with me and sits several feet next to me all day.  We got along great, always laughed, joked and chitchat etc.  The guy started giving me a "fake polite smile" when I made a comment, as if to say I'm not interested or you are annoying me.   He stopped making comments or engaging me in any way.  Except for good morning and goodnight.  Not wanting to bother him, I ceased engaging him and now sit in silence for 8 hrs.  Thank God for headphones!  I am getting used to it now close to one month later, but it's still quite depressing to me since there is no explanation for this.  Even a nearby coworker noticed we don't talk anymore.  To me this is more unnerving because I have to sit next to this person 40 hours a week.

Julio Di Benedetto

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Re: My coworker stopped talking to me
« Reply #9 on: April 09, 2014, 10:44:49 AM »
Because of the close quarters best to confront him and get it out in the open....it takes a fair bit of courage to be direct.  You could also inquire if things are all right with him in his world as you notice a difference recently, sort of being the caring co work, which Im sure you are.....this might get him to talk.  Perhaps others in office may have more insight....anyone he's friendly with that you could talk to.

Its horrible when you just cant walk away and there seems to be no other solution...good luck.

drone on

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Re: My coworker stopped talking to me
« Reply #10 on: April 09, 2014, 11:58:45 AM »
I did consider confronting him but decided this is his problem, also why validate the vibe he's throwing out?  (By acting like it's bothering me).

LNerell

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Re: My coworker stopped talking to me
« Reply #11 on: April 09, 2014, 11:35:11 PM »
I did consider confronting him but decided this is his problem, also why validate the vibe he's throwing out?  (By acting like it's bothering me).

Well obviously because it is bothering you. I know its hard but better to get it out in the open and deal with it, it might all be just a misunderstanding. Maybe he thinks you are being unfriendly and is reacting the same way as you are. If you do confront him just try to be nice about it, not all up in his face.
Take care.

- Loren Nerell

jkn

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Re: My coworker stopped talking to me
« Reply #12 on: April 10, 2014, 07:32:56 AM »
I agree with Loren and Julio...  best to bring it up in a gentle manner.  Something like hey I feel like we're being distant lately is there something I did to offend? 
John Koch-Northrup .: jkn [AT] johei.com .: owner / artist .: http://relaxedmachinery.com .: http://twitter.com/jkn .: http://flickr.com/johei

drone on

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Re: My coworker stopped talking to me
« Reply #13 on: April 11, 2014, 01:21:13 PM »
A coworker advised to only make an effort if this is genuinely somebody I care about.  I can't say that about this person because all there is is small talk and tv and movies discussions.  I feel like if my conscience is clear that I didn't do or say anything to warrant this situation, then the other person is choosing to behave this way based on their own issues.  Maybe I just need to suck it up and take it like a man.

| broken harbour |

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Re: My coworker stopped talking to me
« Reply #14 on: April 11, 2014, 02:57:39 PM »
I used to work with the queen of psycho women up until a few weeks ago, trust me, if you aren't real friends with this person, stay out of it, don't talk about it with them, just pretend nothing has changed.

Things in life have a way of working themselves out.


Bill Binkelman

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Re: My coworker stopped talking to me
« Reply #15 on: April 13, 2014, 08:12:59 PM »
A coworker advised to only make an effort if this is genuinely somebody I care about.  I can't say that about this person because all there is is small talk and tv and movies discussions.  I feel like if my conscience is clear that I didn't do or say anything to warrant this situation, then the other person is choosing to behave this way based on their own issues.  Maybe I just need to suck it up and take it like a man.

I think this is the wisest approach to take, based on my experience as well.
May the odds be ever in your favor.

mgriffin

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Re: My coworker stopped talking to me
« Reply #16 on: April 18, 2014, 08:44:03 AM »
Same here. If someone is acting weird toward you, trying to force them to return to friendly interaction is most likely going to backfire. Not everybody has to be your buddy! People who send signals that they're not super-fond of you should just be given some room.
[ Mike Griffin, Hypnos Recordings ] email mg (at) hypnos.com | http://hypnos.com | http://twitter.com/mgsoundvisions

drone on

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Re: My coworker stopped talking to me
« Reply #17 on: April 18, 2014, 10:13:36 AM »
Thanks Bill and Mike.  Yes, this is exactly what I decided to do.  It's still awkward to sit six feet from someone all day without a word.  Now there's not even a "good morning.".

drone on

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Re: My coworker stopped talking to me
« Reply #18 on: June 26, 2014, 09:34:04 AM »
I forgot to follow up on the guy who stopped talking back in April.  We talk now.  Previous to his cold attitude, I had sent a reminder email about a procedure, because somebody f***** up on something.  Turns out it was this guy who made the gaffe.  He assumed I knew he was the guilty party, which I didn't, and got offended over the email.  Talk about dumb!  That's why they always say "don't assume"...