Author Topic: My Mom, age 72, has a boyfriend! Ugh.....  (Read 7720 times)

drone on

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My Mom, age 72, has a boyfriend! Ugh.....
« on: December 14, 2014, 09:33:26 AM »
So my Dad passed five years ago.  At age 72, this year, my mother began dating a guy and appears to be madly in love.  I am extremely uncomfortable and weirded out by this.  Namely, seeing her with somebody else.  I want to be happy for her, but my feelings are conflicted.  She is spending Xmas eve with him and his extended family, the first time in 46 years we won't be together.  Christmas day, our usual guests can't make it, so it will be me, mom and her boyfriend.  Now I'm getting really uncomfortable....

Anyone here experienced a similar situation where you were a middle age adult and this occurred?  I'm looking for advice/opinions on how you reacted and processed this turn of events. 

Thanks for any feedback on this.

mgriffin

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Re: My Mom, age 72, has a boyfriend! Ugh.....
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2014, 09:25:00 AM »
I guess my advice would be that you should accept the two things you're feeling -- wanting her to be happy, and feeling weird about seeing her with someone other than your dad -- are both valid, and you don't need to pretend it's just one or the other.

Just accept that you're going to feel weird for a while about seeing your mother in this situation, but your temporary discomfort is a necessary and unavoidable step in the process of accepting a change in your mother's life.
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Seren

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Re: My Mom, age 72, has a boyfriend! Ugh.....
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2014, 11:00:53 AM »
Having been the 'new guy' in my wife's life I have been on the other side of this picture.

Mike's advice is good advice.

hdibrell

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Re: My Mom, age 72, has a boyfriend! Ugh.....
« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2014, 02:34:48 PM »
Yes, Mike is correct. It's okay to feel kind of weird in this situation, but you will adjust over time. Good luck.
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Julio Di Benedetto

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Re: My Mom, age 72, has a boyfriend! Ugh.....
« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2014, 08:07:34 PM »
Once you have gotten though the Xmas dinner be sure to pull out a nice bottle of single malt whisky or whatever, do some research and find what he likes.  share a dram or two and let him be comfortable because he maybe just as strange about it as you.  Your Mum can go do the dishes, I say that with respect as you two enjoy some xmas libation, man to man, break the ice for the both of you and hopefully come to enjoy each other and then you will be really happy for her and want to have them over on a regular basis.....if you dont drink then go to plan B
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drone on

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Re: My Mom, age 72, has a boyfriend! Ugh.....
« Reply #5 on: December 16, 2014, 03:20:58 PM »
Only problem is, I don't want to drink booze and bond with this guy. That's the problem

APK

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Re: My Mom, age 72, has a boyfriend! Ugh.....
« Reply #6 on: December 16, 2014, 04:30:51 PM »
It your mother. It's her choice.
As when you choose someone.
Adults.
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drone on

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Re: My Mom, age 72, has a boyfriend! Ugh.....
« Reply #7 on: December 17, 2014, 09:24:45 AM »
APK, this thread wasn't about my mom's choice or any judgment on her, simply about my feelings about it.  So don't quite understand your comment about "adults."

LNerell

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Re: My Mom, age 72, has a boyfriend! Ugh.....
« Reply #8 on: December 17, 2014, 02:19:17 PM »
I can understand your feelings but I can't really say anything that will make you feel better about it. You will just have to learn to live with it sorry to say. If it were my mom I think it would be better that after five years she find someone else and be happy then to be alone and miserable. I know that's how my mom felt after my father died.
« Last Edit: March 18, 2015, 06:51:23 PM by LNerell »
Take care.

- Loren Nerell

jkn

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Re: My Mom, age 72, has a boyfriend! Ugh.....
« Reply #9 on: December 18, 2014, 08:53:04 AM »
I agree.  You don't have to "like it" but pretending to like it would be very good for your mom.  In time you might accept him.  It's not an overnight process.

You totally have the rights to feel like you do - but you also have to think of your mom - and her happiness. 

Sometimes you do things for others even though you don't like it.  I think you've reached one of those times.

I had a hard time with my dad's girlfriend after my mom died.  He's still seeing her almost 20 years later.  Is she like my mom?  Oh sheeesh - no.  Not by a long shot.  Does she seem to make him happy - yes.  I'll take that. 
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drone on

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Re: My Mom, age 72, has a boyfriend! Ugh.....
« Reply #10 on: December 18, 2014, 10:41:48 AM »
Eloquently put jkn, thanks for that.

Scott M2

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Re: My Mom, age 72, has a boyfriend! Ugh.....
« Reply #11 on: December 18, 2014, 01:43:52 PM »
My Mom had a couple of boyfriends over the many years after my Dad passed away. I had no particular bond with them, but was always civil in our social situations and treated them as I would expect my girlfriend to be treated. They were decent guys. I don't think my Mom even thought they measured up to my Dad but I was genuinely happy that she had someone close in her life again. Carrying on in life despite all the losses and changes is vital to finding and maintaining contentment. Good for your Mom and good luck to you to find the inner acceptance that you need.