Best Friend

[Joe R]

My best friend killed himself yesterday evening. He had been having marital problems, and had recently begun divorce proceedings. He leaves behind his wife and 2 children.

Right now we're feeling pretty rotten. It seems like a horrible nightmare that'll pass, but of course it won't. It's so unreal...

If you can send your prayers and positive energy this way for him, his family, and his friends, it would be greatly appreciated.

I always hear people say that God will never give you a burden greater than you can bear, but maybe that's not true. It certainly wasn't for him.

[MarkJohnson]

Our condolences, Joe. We might not be an obvious bunch to turn to, but you have a whole forum here to support you if you need us. You, your family, and your friends are in our thoughts and/or prayers.

[Undershadow]

I don't do prayers, Joe, but my thoughts are with you in this very sad period. These things will pass. I only hope the passing of time will swiftly start to soften what must be a terrible blow.

[lena]

Oh my gosh, Joe,
I am so, so sorry to hear about your best friend! What a terrible loss, (for both you and his family), my thoughts will definitely be with you today...

[APK]

These thing are a shocking, tragic loss. The loss will remain.
I wish all concerned the very best in dealing with it.

[ffcal]

Very sorry to hear this, Joe.  I cannot imagine how difficult things must for you, his family and his other close friends at this time.  My prayers are with all of you.

Forrest

[mgriffin]

Joe, that's such sad news, and I'm very sorry for you, and his family.  Hang in there, Joe.

[g.@.b.]

My best friend killed himself yesterday evening. He had been having marital problems, and had recently begun divorce proceedings. He leaves behind his wife and 2 children.

Right now we're feeling pretty rotten. It seems like a horrible nightmare that'll pass, but of course it won't. It's so unreal...

If you can send your prayers and positive energy this way for him, his family, and his friends, it would be greatly appreciated.

I always hear people say that God will never give you a burden greater than you can bear, but maybe that's not true. It certainly wasn't for him.

I'm sorry to hear this, Joe. It must be very tough losing your best friend. Your adage about God, is one of those sayings, like "God helps those who help themselves" that, while quaint, doesn't always play out in real life. I think the adage comes from a New Testament verse in Corinthians:

1 Corinthians 10:13
13 No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

There usually always is a way of escape, but many times circumstances can completely overwhelm us, suspending rational thought and making death seem like a quick remedy for our troubles. Also, the verse takes into consideration that the individual is one who would take their problem to God and pray fervently for the escape route to be made plain. Unfortunately human beings are complex and a random suicidal thought could be construed as an "Aha" moment and tragically acted upon.

My prayer is for your friend's family. They're obviously numb with grief (despite the impending divorce) and shock, especially the children. I pray that they can eventually come to realize that this is in no way their fault, that their father loved them, and that he had such a heavy burden on his heart that he felt ending his life was the only solution.

I've also prayed for you, his friend, that you can come to terms with the death of your friend and be a tower of strength -- not only for your family but for your friend's family as well.

Life often does not make sense, especially when the brutal side shows up. I was speaking this morning with my Pastor about the brutal side of Christmas. TV shows us the sound bite, snap-shot perfect, happy family, tells us the number of shopping days left until and wants us to believe that "It's a Wonderful Life". But that isn't always the case. And, while I plan on having a Merry Christmas with my wife and children, Jesus was born into a situation of political corruption, deceit and the murder, by a jealous King Herod, of every two year old and under boy in Bethlehem (in an attempt to kill Jesus), while Joseph and Mary escaped with their lives into Egypt, where they remained until Herod died. The grief of the mothers left behind must have been a collective wail such that words could not express. Not that we should dwell upon the negative...but those were the circumstances on that first Christmas.

I hope and pray you will be to have a nice Christmas with your family, despite this tragedy that has shaken your world during a season that's supposed to be joyous. Perhaps you can think of a fitting gesture for your friend's children, or have them over if appropriate, so that you can offer them some degree of comfort in their loss. May God grant you the wisdom and courage to face this situation and be strong for those in your life who now need a soft heart and a listening ear.

[Paul Vnuk (Ma Ja Le)]

We are here for you Joe and I will keep your friend's family in my prayers.

Paul

[jim brenholts]

that hits me close to home for reasons i need not disclose here. my thoughts and prayers are with you, joe. and with your friend's family.

[Joe R]

Thanks everyone, for your kind words. It means more than you know.

Now Roger's family and friends are left with the monumental question of Why? Certainly divorce is painful, but he never gave a warning, never let on that his situation was THAT desperate. The last time I saw him, 2 weeks ago, he said "Why don't you come over? It gets kind of lonely around here at night." He said it rather casually, but now that simple statement haunts me. Just how lonely can a person be? And if it meant that much to him, why did HE start the divorce proceedings? His wife didn't want a divorce, she wanted to work things out. But Roger said he'd been through that before, and it wasn't gonna work.

So now I'm a pallbearer for a friend who by all rights should have lived another 40 years. :'(

[mgriffin]

Joe, the most similar situation I've been through (though it wasn't my own close friend, but a close friend's close friend, if that makes sense), the family and friends were likewise left wondering "why?"  He too was going through some troubles, but nothing that seemed too much to handle.  His situation was far from hopeless, and he was in the middle of making various plans that seemed to indicate that he felt he had a future to work on.  Then, on a relatively ordinary day, not any kind of a crisis or blow-up, he took his own life.  It remained a terrible, confusing puzzle to those he left behind.  I don't mean to equate two different situations, just saying that at times, people are experiencing things inside, that are not obvious to others.

[SunDummy]

Wow, Joe, I'm so sorry to hear this; my thoughts are with his family and friends.  Truly sad.

Depression can go undetected even by those closest to us; I know from experience.  Sometimes the pain is just too much to bear, and suicide becomes an option.  Most folks never get to such a dark place, which makes it so hard to understand "why?".

[Scott M2]

Hi Joe. I've lost a good friend and some relatives to suicide. Deep depression can be well hidden,
although the burden of hiding it creates more strain and suffering. I still miss my friend.
I'm sure I missed clues from him but he didn't talk to me directly about it. We carry on.
My sympathies to you and his family.

[Seren]

Joe,
my thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. Like everyone else I can only offer my condolences and a place to talk if you need it here.
Andy

[jkn]

My thoughts are with you and your friend's family.   

The "why" question is so hard to deal with.   There can be no signs at all - or the signs are so subtle no one could possibly notice until looking back.   It's been a decade now since a family member very, very close attempted to end their life and thankfully didn't succeed.   It was a stunning blow to everyone - this solid rock of a man, someone I look up to wish I was more like, happiest - friendliest guy you'd ever meet was so good at hiding what he was going through inside.

I'm lucky - he didn't succeed - though the doctors don't know how he actually survived.   And he was with us for another 6 years before medical conditions took him from us.

Sometimes I think the worst thing is to tell someone - hey - I've been through something sort of similar, but I hope knowing that we had no clue - and it's someone we talked to every day and saw constantly...  at least gives you a bit of comfort and you don't blame yourself quite as bad for missing "signs".   There may not have been any.

[Bill Binkelman]

Joe,

I'm so very sorry to read this and send you all my support. Obviously, no one can know how you feel at this difficult time. One thing I do hope for you is that you don't persecute yourself over this. Just do your best to go with however you are feeling and hopefully the healing process will come in time.

Bill

[jblock]

I'm very sorry to hear this and my thoughts are with you.

[Numina]

That's terrible news.  Sorry to hear it. - J.

[michael sandler]

I'm sorry to hear this, Joe. I wish I could say something profound, but sometimes it's best just to say nothing. Feel free to drop me a line, though, if you need to talk about it or something.

Mike